Please G-d by you!!

The invitation arrives in the post, your good friend so and so is getting married and you are invited to the Wedding.  Two waves of emotion wash over you, happiness for the friend who is tying the knot and panic that you will be on your own forever!

It feels like the rest of the world is happily married with families and you are the only singleton left.  What’s worse is, there’s just no one to date anymore…  If I had a petticoat for every time someone has said that to me, I would have a wedding dress the size of a huge meringue.  As a dating coach I try to sit on the fence when people talk to me about their plight of being single.  Despite the fact that I could write the script, I will listen to tale of how impossible it is to meet Mr or Ms right, how they have tried EVERYTHING, and that there is nothing left to do other than eat wedding cake on your own at a table of happily married couples.

One question I ask is, ‘what do you really want, say five years down the line?  When trying to get out there and date it’s really important to keep sight of the long term goal, stay focused.  The answer will be, to be married with a happy family.  Great, and how do you propose you will get there?  ‘I don’t know, because there is no one decent out there’.  You notice the repetition here, where people will constantly use the excuse that it’s just impossible; it’s not me it’s them.

Why do singles choose to stay in this perspective? Firstly because it’s comfortable, there is no personal work involved here, you just keep swimming along until Mr or Ms right comes along and walks straight into you.  There is no responsibility to take and you get to be right about being the only single person on the marrieds table.

Turning this negativity around, I ask people to see dating from a fresh perspective, for instance a place of hopefulness and positivity, what would you do from this place?

For a start let’s put a smile on their faces and give off the vibes they are so looking to receive!  Some of this will be warmth, connection, honesty, vulnerability and openness.  Imagine going to the wedding with all of this oozing out of you, smiling from ear to ear and celebrating with hope and understanding, how would that be?  The chances are all the couples on the table would be reaching for their contact list to set you up before you could say Mazeltov!

Secondly, you would get to enjoy each experience of going out and see it as an opportunity to network and enrol people in the fact that you are single and would love to meet someone special.  The Jewish community is so small that we have to really reach out to one another and use all our connections

When you are out enjoying yourself that’s when the magic happens, you get to show your true identity and enjoy each experience for what it is.  Imagine how you will then greet Mr or Ms right when you finally find each other, with love and with gratitude, being able to share all the wonderful things you have discovered about yourself while being single.  How much more attractive do you become to the opposite sex!

Now, as to getting into action and moving forward there are other steps to take.  You may decide to book a few sessions with a dating coach like myself, to help motivate you and to stay focussed on what’s important.  You can get a great profile written up and persist at on line dating or simply go out there and get em!!

What ever you choose have fun!!

Xxx

Jo

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